Time is Relative
By Brate
ATF Universe
"What the hell are they wearing?"
"I have no idea."
"Is he gay?"
"Undoubtedly . . . he's wearing chiffon."
"How do you know that's chiffon?"
"My dear Mr. Jackson, the commentator reported the fact not two minutes ago."
"Uh-huh."
"I have to admit the women look hot in their little outfits."
"Sure are flexible, too."
"Buck, is there anything you can't turn sexual?"
"Hmmm . . . don't think so."
"Wow. What kinda jump was that?"
"Triple salchow with a double toe loop."
"Chris, there's no way you should know that."
"Sarah liked to watch this stuff. I guess I must've picked it up."
"Well drop it, cowboy; it ain't right."
"Just look at that lutz. No flutzing there."
"Please stop, yer scarin' me."
"Give 'im another beer."
"Now what are those people wearing?"
"They're getting worse!"
"JD, gouge out my eyes, will ya?"
"He is definitely gay."
"Get over it; you're obsessed."
"No, I'm not. It's obvious."
"This is never going to end."
****
"What the hell are they wearing?"
"They're called jersies."
"I don't like them. They cover way too much of their asses."
"Slut."
"Casey!"
"Sorry, Nettie."
"But what other reason would anyone watch basketball?"
"It's a fun sport?"
"Not that I can see."
"Although I must say baseball uniforms are so much better for showing off tight buns."
"True."
"That jersey color is horrible. I would never wear that."
"I don't think they have a choice, Inez."
"Their loss."
"What?! What the hell is wrong with these people?"
"Calm down, Mary."
"That's impossible. The clock had twelve minutes to go fifteen minutes ago and now it still has eight and a half minutes to go."
"They have to make room for time outs and commercials."
"This is never going to end."
****
"Oh, my God, it's yet another skater's biography."
"Who cares how long they've been skating together?"
"Or where they came from?"
"Or who designed the outfits?"
"Let it go, seriously."
"Why are we watching this?"
"We're waitin' fer the game ta come on."
"Isn't the game on Channel 12, not 7?"
"Oops."
****
"Why did that guy get to make an extra shot?"
"He got fouled."
"But the extra shots aren't getting taken off the time clock. That's not fair!"
"Why are we watching this?"
"We're waiting for the skating competition to start."
"Mary?"
"Yes, Miss Nettie?"
"Isn't the competition on Channel 7? You have it on 12."
"Oh. Sorry."
